I’m so tired of being stressed about money- of not being able to do the things I want. The things that make me happy. I’m so tired of paying off school loans. Loans I took out so I could get degrees in Social Work to spend my life helping others. Loans I took out because I was determined to change my life and my station in it. I’m so sick of working to pay bills and never enjoy anything. My whole life has been a struggle and I deserve to finally feel joy. I’m tired of having to eat crap food because healthy food is so expensive. I’m tired of choosing between therapy to heal myself and a gym membership to better myself. I’m tired of cutting my own hair because a quality haircut is too expensive.
I want to travel. I want to be able to buy basic pieces of furniture and linens. I want toys for my cats. I want a car that’s less than 10 years old. I want nice underwear. I want to decorate my apartment. I want more than two sets of sheets. I want nice sheets. I want to go to the doctor when I’m sick. I want to finally remove the growth on my ear. I want a new pair of shoes. I want a pedicure. I want candles that smell nice. I want canvas so I can paint again. I want good shampoo. I want a bicycle. I want vitamins. I want throw pillows. I want new pots and pans. I want dishes that weren’t handed down to me. I want to use my air conditioner.
I want to enjoy my life, but I can’t. And I blame “The American Dream” and it’s promises full of lies. We are all just tiny gears in a giant robot building a mansion for some corrupt politician as the world crumbles around it.